It has been a rough year for me due to so many failure and disappointment. I’m really screwed up. I no longer feel like i could fit with my surroundings but i don’t know where i should heading to. Indeed, I have planned and tried to project where to step, but reality overthrow me and my dream. It’s neither once nor twice but through and through. Come a cropper.
I have entered a phase where I found myself starting to question and–worst–disparage my ability. I almost gave up and fear of the concept of dreams itself. My idealism eroded by reality. I also sensed myself shifting. Lucky me, fate has brought me to the place I needed at that time. I met many people who are generally have very similar dream to be pursued and–most importantly–more thrilling life stories. In those days, maybe i could say that i have rebuilt my wall of confidence stronger and better than the earlier.
Recently, I just got some bad news; another rejection, another failure. I didn’t response those news with tears or resentment, rather i chose to accept it. I felt numb. I felt no emotion. Getting out from your comfort zone and searching for your passion are not as easy as it’s sound. I began this year with so many breakthrough resolutions and self-confidence. But, yes, who am I, only a human who should ready with million of back-up plans.
This year resolutions is only a step or maybe some steps in achieving my truest dream. The dream which i dare to create when i was only 10 years old. If only I never lose my grip to that dream maybe I have already passed this phase and become closer to my dream. It’s like what Murakami have said “In dreams begin responsibilities. Flip this around and you could say that where there’s no power to imagine, no responsibility can arise.” (Kafka on the Shore).
Now, despite of all the failure I don’t wanna stop. Just let life overthrew me and my dream harder. Because, I have faith in my dream. I believe it will end up beautiful as long as I don’t lose my grip on everything, anymore.